Right In Front Of Me All This Time
by miserable lie
Summary: Barabara and Trixie get ready for their dates but things turn out a little differently


Chapter One

"I'll zip you up in a minute" Trixie smiled over at Barbara and with those words Barbara felt her stomach clench. She could just about bear to touch Trixie, she was in control then, could pull away if it became too much, if she became overwhelmed. But the thought of Trixie's delicate fingers on her own cool skin, that was too much. She thought of how she had felt when Trixie had told her that a gentleman had asked her out to dinner, there had been a funny feeling in her stomach, a feeling that Barbara was not familiar with. Jealousy.

Barbara had never been a jealous child. Her parents and the Church had taught her to share, and share she had, for all it was worth. The only time she could ever remember feeling something close to this was when she had been seven years old and the lady at the sweet shop down their road had had a baby. Suddenly she stopped being able to sit on the counter whilst the kindly Mrs Riley let her chatter away to the customers, occasionally handing her sherbet lollies (which Barbara had thought were a very special treat, especially given that the war was going on). Mrs Riley's sister started minding the shop during the afternoons instead, she didn't like Barbara sitting on the counter in case she made a mess and she certainly didn't pass her any sherbet lollies. So, for a couple of weeks, Barbara felt very jealous of Mrs Riley's baby, that was until Mrs Riley stopped her in the street, let Barbara hold the baby and suggested that she might like to come up to the flat one day and sit with the two of them for a bit. As such, Barbara supposed she had a very limited experience of jealousy but this was the only way that she could describe the burning sensation that started in the pit of her stomach and then spread up to her chest when she heard about Trixie's date. Logically she knew it was wrong of her to feel like this, she had Tom after all and she had long since brushed any silly fantasies she might have had about Trixie under the carpet. After all she thought, she had been so young and naïve when she had arrived at Nonnatus, and it had been so kind of Trixie to take her under her wing. It was natural for her to hold Trixie in such high esteem, or at least that's what she's told herself at first.

She was interrupted from her thoughts by Trixie who had finished blowing on her nails now and was manoeuvring Barbara so that she was stood before the small mirror that they had been sharing up until that point. Well, Barbara had spent most of the time watching Trixie using the mirror, but she didn't mind, she liked seeing Trixie get ready. Barbara's knees felt weak beneath her and she wasn't sure how she managed to walk towards the mirror. She half-closed her eyes, thinking that perhaps if she could not see Trixie's reflection staring back at her own then that make it a little more bearable. As soon as she felt Trixie's nails at the nape of her neck, however, she knew that it might not be so easy.

"Sorry sweetie," she could hear the smile in Trixie's voice, "you've got a few stray hairs just here"

Trixie, Barbara thought to herself, had always thought to herself, had the most magical voice. Often when Barbara lay in bed at night she would hear that voice drifting from down the hall and she would feel safe, she would feel as though she had been called home. She swallowed hard as she felt Trixie's hands move to the zip, all too soon this would be over and Trixie would step away and drag Barbara down the stairs with her so that they could meet their respective dates. She wished, more than anything, that she could be frozen in this moment in time for evermore. Just her and Trixie with nothing and no one else to consider.

That's when she turned, perhaps made braver by the sherry she had poached from Phyllis' nightstand before making her way to Trixie's room, perhaps tired of pretending, she wasn't quite sure what it was and she didn't suppose it mattered either way, especially not now she was nose to nose with Trixie.

The first thing she notice was that Trixie did not step back when Barbara whirled round, instead she took in the girl's appearance in that measured way that Trixie had. Then, before Barbara had really even had time to think about what she was doing, she leant into Trixie and kissed her softly. The next thing she noticed was that Trixie did not pull away, instead she pushed Barbara back against the chest of drawers, biting down on Barbara's bottom lip. Trixie was, Barbara thought idly, a far superior kisser to Tom.

Then, all too quickly, there came a knock at the door and they sprang apart, the fear clear in both of their eyes as Sister Winifred walked in.

"Oh good you're ready! It's just I spotted your gentleman friend on my way in"

Barbara glanced at Trixie, panicked but saw that the other woman had already composed herself. Save for eyes that were slightly brighter than usual, there seemed to be nothing whatsoever amiss about Trixie Franklin's appearance, Barbara only hoped that she looked as innocent.

"Thank you, Sister, we'll get going now"

Barbara and Trixie left the room together, heading down the stairs without a word. Barbara could feel the pounding of her heart in her chest and the tremor in her right hand, which always shook uncontrollably when she was nervous. She wanted to say something to Trixie, anything, anything that might reassure the other woman, anything that might reassure her, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. Then, when they had reached the door, Trixie paused before opening it and clasped Barbara's hand without really even looking at her, and in that moment, Barbara knew that everything would be alright.


End file.
